We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
