I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
