his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
