My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
