i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize