I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
