In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
