I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
