you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
