Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
