You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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