Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
