Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
