So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
