apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
