May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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