you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
