How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
