He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
