Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
