Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
