my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
