He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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