WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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