You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
