guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
