if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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