I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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