You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
