the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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