It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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