God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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