sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
