Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
