I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
