we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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