he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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