He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
