I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
