you guys were way drunker than both of me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
