i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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