Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
