We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
