the condom got lost in my hair
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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