I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
