I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
