No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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