Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
