A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
