I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
