Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
