how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
