so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
