Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
