I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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