Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
