You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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