question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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