i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Randomize
