i already hear my dad disowning me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
