I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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