I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
