i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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