Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
