the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
