I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
