I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
