margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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