So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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