At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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