i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So many bounce houses so little time
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
